Cat Quotes

Cat Laws

  • Always give generously. A small bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, I care.
  • Climb your way to the top. That’s why the drapes are there.
  • Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.
  • Find your place in the sun. Especially if it happens to be on that nice pile of warm, clean laundry.
  • If you’re not receiving enough attention, try knocking over several expensive antique lamps.
  • Life is hard, then you nap.
  • Make your mark in the world. Or at least spray in each corner.
  • Never sleep alone when you can sleep on someone’s face.
  • Variety is the spice of life. One day ignore people, the next day annoy them.
  • When eating out, think nothing of sending back your meal twenty or thirty times.
  • When in doubt, cop an attitude.

Funny

  • Never feed your cat anything that clashes with the carpet.
  • “Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?” “No, I’d like a dead cat in a glass.” — Cheers
  • Any member introducing a dog into the Society’s premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat. – Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
  • Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn’t hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
  • Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will urinate on your computer.
  • I thought I saw a pussycat… — Tweety
  • Faster, pussycat, kill, kill! — Russ Meyer
  • He wanted a pet, so he asked for an octopus, thinking it would be an eight-sided cat.
  • Hit her with a squirtgun like you’re trying to train a cat to stay off the sofa. — Loveline
  • I can’t use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.
  • If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat, and dropped it from a height, on which side would it land?
  • I think they’re blaming the cat. — the bunnies’ theory about why Megan Coughlin now have a vacuum
  • I want to be a lion. Everybody wants to pass as cats. — Counting Crows
  • I would love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and floss my cat.
  • Never wear anything that panics the cat. — PJ O’Rourke
  • People who take cat naps don’t usually sleep in a cat’s cradle.
  • Subliminal kitty messages? “You are getting very sleepy” is not a command when said to a cat; it is an eternal truth. — Ari Rapkin
  • Sure, we just route the main sensor through Data’s cat.
  • THE PET PRINCIPLE: No matter which side of the door the cat or dog is on, it’s the wrong side.
  • There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
  • These aren’t my thoughts, they’re my cat walking on the keyboard.
  • To a cat, “NO!” means “Not while I’m looking”.
  • Wake up and smell the cat food in your bank account. — They Might Be Giants
  • We’re staying together for the sake of the cats. – Bumper sticker
  • When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. — Rodney Dangerfield
  • Where the hell are the singing cats? — Paul Newman to David Letterman
  • Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
  • Why must I feel like that? Why must I chase the cat? — George Clinton
  • You might be a redneck if your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Wisdom

  • A cats worst enemy is a closed door.
  • Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat. — Robert Heinlein
  • Isn’t there always a cat napping on whatever you’re reading?
  • Moroccan Proverb: An old cat will not learn how to dance.
  • A cat that jumps on a hot stove will never jump on a hot stove again. Neither will it jump on a cold stove. — Michael Cameron
  • We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it – and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore, either. — Mark Twain
  • A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. — Ben Franklin
  • A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. — Mark Twain
  • After dark all cats are leopards. — Native American Proverb
  • All I need to know I learned from my cat.
  • Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
  • Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. — Garrison Keillor
  • Cats know how we feel. They don’t care, but they know.
  • Fear is a slinking cat I find beneath the lilacs of my mind. — Sophie Tunnel
  • How important is freshness in a dry cat food? To a cat, it’s very important.
  • If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence. — Will Cuppy
  • Never try to outstubborn a cat. – Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love
  • Often the cats who need the most affection are the ones that are the most difficult to love and scratch you when you’re trying to pet them.
  • One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
  • Only my cat understands me.
  • Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
  • That project is a goat rodeo. It’s like an exercise in herding cats.
  • The idea of calm exists in a sitting cat. — Jules Renard
  • The world is a cat toy.
  • To the cat, the experimenter is problematic.
  • You can’t look at a sleeping cat and be tense. — Jane Pauley

Cats and Dogs

  • Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow. — Jeff Valdez
  • You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
  • Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you.
  • I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. — Steven Wright
  • Letting sleeping dogs lie, sleeping cats fry. – Me 90
  • MEOW…SPLAT…RUFF…SPLAT…(Raining cats & dogs)
  • The dog needs the high grass so he can hide from the neighborhood cats. — Men’s Health, on how to get out of mowing the lawn
  • You burp, and guys think it’s adorable. You puke, and they fight to hold your hair back. — The Truth about Cats and Dogs
  • Women and cats do as they dammed well please, and men and dogs had best learn to live with it.

Wordplay

  • A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
  • And what are cat diapers called? PamPurrs?
  • Blond Medical Dictionary Term: Cat Scan, n. – Search for kitty.
  • A cat has paws at the end of its claws; a comma has pause at the end of its clause.
  • Bird feeders also double as cat feeders.
  • Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
  • Chrysler killed the cat.
  • Fiddle: Friction of a horse’s tail on a cat’s entrails.
  • Geek status symbol #104: Your three cats are named ‘sed’ ‘grep’ and ‘awk’.
  • He had never seen the Catskill Mountains, but had seen them kill mice.
  • I fed some lemon to my cat and now I have a sour puss.
  • If you throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter?
  • Large mountain cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anyone.
  • Macrobiotic cats eat brown mice.
  • My other cat is a Jaguar.
  • Palindrome: Was it a car or a cat I saw?
  • Rigor Morris. The cat is dead.
  • The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on…
  • You’re feline sleepwear. The cat’s pajamas. — Joann Boyd

Cats Talking

  • Suffering Sucatash — Sylvester the Cat
  • Let’s face it, buddy. I have a body that makes *men* wet! — Cat, Red Dwarf
  • Most people leave their bodies to medical science. I’m leaving mine to the Louvre, baby! — Cat, Red Dwarf
  • Smooth… with a capital SMOO! — Cat, Red Dwarf
  • What’s wrong with your face? It’s upside-down and inside out, that’s what! Oowww! — Cat, Red Dwarf
  • He pushed me off a building, just when I was beginning to feel good about myself. — Catwoman
  • I’m a woman, and can’t be taken for granted. Life’s a bitch. Now so am I. — Catwoman, Batman Returns
  • I believe that one day everyone, everywhere will know the wonders of my nipples. — Stimpson J. Cat
  • You can’t help that. We’re all mad here. — The Cheshire Cat
  • You must be mad, said the Cheshire Cat, or you wouldn’t have come here. — Lewis Carroll
  • “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat. — Lewis Carroll